well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
