He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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