I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Randomize
