Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
