I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
