Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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