He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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