I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
