he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
