Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Nobody cheats on THIS.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
