The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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