Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
