oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
