Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
