I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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