Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
