As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
