I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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