I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
