I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
