I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize