people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
