could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
