Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
