I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
