Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
