i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
