We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
