Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
