i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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