I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
If I had your ass I would rule the world
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
