His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
