I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Girls should come with a carfax report
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
