I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
