i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I think a kid would responsible me up
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
