Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
