i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
