What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It's rum buckets o'clock
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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