Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
