we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
