God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize