put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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