One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
