it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
