So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
