turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
