He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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