I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i love accidental penises.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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