As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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