Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
People in love make me want to vomit
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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