I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
