I need help removing her.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
