i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
