This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
