Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
