For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
