Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
