Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize