I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
