yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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