her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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