I molested 6 butterflies tonight
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Randomize
