I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
