Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
