She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
