I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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