Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
