My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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