My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
