When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
